Log in

No account? Create an account
I'm not perfect, that's fot sure [entries|friends|calendar]

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Goodbye... [30 May 2005|09:17pm]
[ mood | satisfied ]

This is the last entry in this journal. If you want to know more of my life go to ruby_red_rose...i am updating there now.

Leave one

[21 May 2005|10:23pm]
[ mood | amused ]

Today consisted of avoiding doing my history paper, talking to Brett, and hanging with adrien. I really needed to do taht paper, cause now i have to do it all tomorrow instead of going to see Katie, but oh well. I always talk to brett a lot, but it seemed like more than usual today. Maybe it was cause i went to bed at like 3:30 cause i was talking with him. Oh man...what a boy. Adrien and I went swimming. It felt great to be in the water and feel what it is like to lie in the water and float. I think taht is what i miss the most about summer, not being able to swim. Then we ate delicous food(but i kinda feel sick from it) and played Trivial Persuit 90;s edition. We lost, but it was fun. I feel like i am still in the pool cause my hair smells like chlorine, but I don't mind. *sigh* this is what life should be like....

this might be my last update in this journal. Remember the new one will be ruby_red_rose.

Leave one

[21 May 2005|03:39pm]
[ mood | bored ]

im so bored. Im hot, too. but yay...i get to go driving soon. My b-day is in less than 2 weeks now, and i can't wait. I like how i still haven't really planned what to do..hm,...i should think of that...no? I realyl dont' 'want o get a job this summer, it really upsets me taht ih ave to. I am only 15, ishouldn't work yet. uch...maybe i am just spoiled, but i don't want to.
i might get to go with adrien swimming tonight...i really want to meet brett(substitue another word for meet), but i don't see how i could .:( man, adrien and her family are so cool! :):):)

5 comments| Leave one

i've never felt so appreciated.... [20 May 2005|10:35pm]
[ mood | peaceful ]

Its an amazing feeling to know that you are truely appreciated. I got the biggest thank in front of the audience tonight at my orchestra concert. I relized all the effort and work I put into this orchestra to make sure it survives was finally worth it. I was teary eyed when Joe thanked me, and by the end of the concert i couldn't stop the tears from coming. I never knew joe appreciated me so much, and felt good to have recognition for all i have done. But that wasn't the only thing that gave me the feeling that i am loved. To know that there is someone out there that thinks of you and believes in you, supports you and cares for you brings me the best feeling in the world. I have never felt this connection before, and i sometimes wonder what i would be like if i had never met him. I must hae done something to deserve this high I am on, yet i have no idea what....

Leave one

[19 May 2005|07:59pm]
[ mood | thirsty ]

Well, i don't really have much to say, but i feel guilty about not updatig enough. I love this warm weather. Its amazing to finally be able to wear a short skirt and not feel ridiculously cold. I have been looking forward to the warm weather and now i can finally feel like spring is here and summer is on its way. I have never understood why people like the winter and now that spring is here i understand less. I loved being able to be outside during lunch and lie in the grass and think to myself how wonderful it is to be surrounded by friends that love me, someone who truely cares for me, and the warmth of the sun. It was anamazing feeling, and i want it every day. To be honest, today was the kind of day i needed to feel good about life again.With 10ish days of school left i feel even better.

2 comments| Leave one

[18 May 2005|04:38pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

People piss me off sometimes. From the people that walk .0002 mile per hour at school when i need to get from west to east to the people that just are to stupid to realize they need help. I am tired of people and they piss me off. Im tired of people bitching bout what a shitty life they have when "omg, *insert name here* doens't like them." get over it, find someone else and move on. if i can do it so can you.

I had an amazingly upbeat day that could only be made better by finally getting to see hebrew high friends for a few minutes. I cna't wait for confirmation. then i leave to go get yelled at for playing violin and once again my day will be full of bitter emotions. Sometimes i love my life....

4 comments| Leave one

[16 May 2005|08:47pm]
[ mood | blah ]

Today was pretty much a really really shitty day. Im tired of classes, and i am tired of the drama that accompanies high school. I miss singing in choir, and i really want to listen to the cd of the concert. I want to finnaly feel closure for the choir concert. I miss being able to sing and feel what music does for my soul. I really need that right now. My violin isn't fulfilling anymore, but i don't want to quit. I am really dreading my parents taking violin away from me. Orchestra just isn't going to be enough. I got in a huge fight with my mom about this, and she cussed me out to. I didn't expect it, but im not sorry that i yelled at her. I came home, listened to people complain, went on a walk, did hw, ate the crappiest dinner ever, and then played tennis. I really like it the more i do it, and im actually not so horrible at it when i really try.I want to play it more often. Then home, my mom yelled at me "being online" when i wasn't and i was running inside the house to answer the phone beofre the maching got it. She yelled at me, and i wanted to yell at her, but figured it was easier to just disagree in my head.Man,I really hate my mom sometimes. *sigh* im so tired of school, i can't wait for summer and the warmth that comes with it. I started planning my b-day party today, and i really wish i could invite more people than i am. This is silly, 10 people is so not enough people Oh well, i still can't wait. It is gonna be so much fun. EEP!

1 comment| Leave one

[13 May 2005|10:45pm]
[ mood | calm ]

Friday finally! this was the longest week ever. Probably because i didn't sleep the past 2 nights, but either way, it was still long. Im just glad it is over. I hung with Margie after school and then after dinner again. We "played" tennis (our record was 5 consecutive hits) and laughed at the preppily dressed stoners at the park.Then we played win, lose or draw, and it was really funny cause neither of us can draw. Adrien joined us later on, and then it was really funny, cause she was laughing at our crappyness. Either way, i had fun. I downed to things of gatorade, and now i can just feel the electrolyte imbalance. Its quite amusing. ew...i hate health class sooo much. We finishe dour painting in english, and i am so proud of it. Its like, the best art i have ever done, and man, I am so proud that Wolf and I did that. It was soo good. YAY! Im so tired...uch, i hate having to sleep, but i love sleep so much.

Leave one

[11 May 2005|11:07pm]
[ mood | guilty ]

hmmm..today was strange. yeah, thats a ood way to describe it. i was nervous all day for my concert, and the feeling never really went away.Jazz went really weell, in fact, i think we went out with a bang. We did an awesome job and i am so proud of us.Violimn solo also went well. I had to run off to change, so i missed them announcing me and ginving me roses, but i still got them. they are a really pretty red color and they are so amazingly pretty. (eep yet another reason to make the new lj crystal_red-rose) anyway. Then a cappella: not so good. I mean, our first 3 songs were fine, but we did really bad on the last one. We dropped lines(espically solo lines) and i made an idiot of myslef and sang when i shouldn't have. i guess it was good you couldn hear me, but i feel bad and like i let the entire choir. Of course, then i think of poooooor Kaitlin and the other soloist that just stopped singing ,and i don't feel as bad, but i still feel bad. Oh well, its over now, so it doesn't matter. I bought a cd of it so now i can listen to it whenever i wish. YAY!!
I have started eeping again..and i am not sure why. Probably becasue brett made me record it and then it just got me in the mood for it. I don't know. hahah...Caitlin called him my man toy today..funny!silly him and not coming...oh well.
I talked with Scott from my english class last year today, and it was kinda strange. I don't really konw what to think of him anymore. all of these people from my past are coming up again,and sometimes i just don't know what to think anymore.
Ruby took my wallet and cell phone(and by my cell i mean my moms) so i have to get that back from here tomorrow....ahhh!!

Leave one

[11 May 2005|10:37pm]
[ mood | embarrassed ]

A - Age you got your first kiss: 15
B - Band listening to right now: none
C - Crush: hahha...ben, collin, brett (eww i really hate the word crush)
D - Dad's name: Dennis Russel
E - Easiest person to talk to: Brett
F - Favorite bands at the moment: Manhattan Transfer, VJ2(?), Ateens, Boy Bands!!, RASCAL FLATTS!!!!!!
G - Gummy worms or gummy bears?: Gummy Bears...ooo camp
H - Hometown: Denver
I - Instruments: piano, violin, sorta guitar
J - Junior high: Campus Middle School
K - Kids: sure
L - Longest car ride ever: Denver to Las Vegas...
M - Mom's name: Barbara Jean
N - Nicknames: shane, shanie, Jesus
O - One wish: VJ2 go on forever
P - Phobias: heights, spiders, snakes, not being loved, being alone, bridges, death
Q - Quote: "It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone. "
R - Reason to smile: basses, jazz, and brett
S - Song you sang last: Lonesome Road
T - Time you woke up [today]: 5:35
U - Unknown fact about me: I have never skied
V - Vegetable you hate: zuchini, squash
W - Worst habit(s): biting my nails, being a dramam queen
X - X-rays you've had: knee when i thought i killed it in estas park when i was like 3
Y - Yummy food: itlian, chinese
Z - Zodiac sign: Gemini!!!

4 comments| Leave one

[11 May 2005|10:35pm]
[ mood | anxious for my concert ]

01. Comment with your name.
02. I will then tell what song/movie remind me of you.
03. I'll tell you what celebrity you remind me of.
04. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
05. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
06. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
07. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.
08. Put this in your journal

15 comments| Leave one

[10 May 2005|09:43pm]
[ mood | tired ]

my day consisted of taking a lot of pictures. VJ2 pictures which i will get a copy of!!! i will i will i will! and being late to classes. I almost didn't go to math, but then i decided to, and that is a good thing.I really am excited for tomorrows concert, i am so nervous,but soo excited too!! Ahh..what am i gonna do, so many solos? ahhh..*nervous face* but afterwards, it is gonna be so cool..eep! can't wait. :) smile! we got a cappella shirts today,a nd mine was huge so i shrunk it. I have to wear it tomorrow, but thats ok. It fits better now, its just to long. I am gonna freeze in it, but i am just glad to have it.im really tired...i think i am gonna go to bed. good night all!

Leave one

[10 May 2005|09:41pm]
[ mood | touched ]

tenismaster33 (10:35:42 PM): .. no but i was serious.. there is no person in my whole life i have ever met that was more awsome then you completely overal including everything

....suddenly my day doesn't seem like such a waste anymore.

Leave one

[09 May 2005|07:59pm]
[ mood | sad ]

it finally hit me toda in practice for Vj2 after school that i am not gonna be in that choir anymore. we had our last rehersal today and our concerr is wednesday. after that, no more choir. I was crying when mr t was talking today and saying how much fun he had this year.i can't believe how much this choir has meant to me and it is over now. I am gonna be crying so hard at the concert, i dont' know if i can handle it.
i was also crying last night when i read the friends page of my lj. how can my friends be so stupid. they deny everything and yet lie to me every time i talk to them. I can't stand it anymore. I jsut don't even want to see them. It is one thing to lie to me and another thing to lie to me and then do the same thing. uch, i don't have the heart for this anymore. And what makes it even worse is that they're cluless that they hurt me so much. Im just worried for them, and i want them to be ok not ruin their lives over stupid stuff.
why has no one suggested a new lj name?? i still need names.

4 comments| Leave one

[08 May 2005|03:35pm]
[ mood | i hate gardening ]

Hmmm...i relaized how ridiculously hard it is to not talk to all my friends every night last night whil i was in (and still am) Ft. Collins. I really miss talking to one person speicfically, and i am a little angry that my sister didn't put aim on her new computer. stupid her. anyway, yesterday was fun. i finished my health project and then came home and finished da vinci code(though i am not sure about the ending). Its a good book and if you haven't read it, then you should. Now i just have to wait for the Garth NIx book from the library and i got a new one from Allison. Can't wait to start it. Hm..just got yelled at, so i should go. Brett, check your comcast email addres..i sent stuff to it.
can't wait to be hohme so i can be on aim...is that bad?
happy mothers day all!!

Leave one

[07 May 2005|04:28pm]
[ mood | loved yet so confused & happy ]

I was definetly sick all of this week, and my voice kinda went in and out but i was coughing a lot and i was just really stuffy. I guess i am pretty much over it now, but i am still coughing and stuffy. what would i do without Dayquill? die..thats what. So besides that this week was rather uneventful. Going up to ft. collins this weekend to "garden" and by garden, i mean play with my brother and sisters puppies. YAY!! adrien is coming, so she owes me a lot. Oh well, i love her to bits, so i don't mind so much.I got to see Brett friday (finally) even if it was only for 2 hours or so. We went to the park and watched the smokers and then to High Plains. He met margie and Katie, and almost allison, but then not. Oh well, i had fun and i think becuase of that i am the happiest i have been in a really long time. Its nice to see myself smile and not be hiding emotions underneath it.

I am a ball of conflicitng emotions right now, and yet the one person i really could tell my problems to seems to be the center of my issues. I've always been so sure of how I feel and why I feel that way, and yet suddenly i don't trust myself anymore. I need something to remind myself of who I am and why I am this way. My world seems to be upside down right now, and it couldn't be a worse time. I just wish i understood myself right now.

Leave one

Lee Ann Womack ~I May Hate Myself in the Morning [07 May 2005|04:25pm]
[ mood | confused ]

Ain't it just like one of us to pick up the phone and call after a couple of drinks
And say "How you been, I've been wonderin' if maybe you've been thinkin' 'bout me."
And somewhere in the conversation, an old familiar invitation always arrives.
An' I may hate myself in the morning, but I'm gonna love you tonight.

Everyone's known someone that they just can't help but want.
And even though we just can't make it work out, well the want to lingers on.
So once again we wind up in each others arms pretending that it's right
And I may hate myself in the morning, but I'm gonna love you tonight.

I know it's wrong but it ain't easy moving on
So why can't two friends remember the good times once again.

Tomorrow when I wake up I'll be feelin a little guilty, a little sad
Thinkin how it used to be before everything went bad
I guess that's what it is, in lonley late night calls like this we try to find
I may hate myself in the morning, but I'm gonna love you tonight
I may hate myself in the morning, but I'm gonna love you tonight

This somg seems to sum up my feelings for 2 people right now so ridiculously well....

Leave one

[03 May 2005|06:53pm]
[ mood | hyperactive ]

today was fun. Jazz was great. We had a good rehersal and i thin we are almost ready for concert. If we could just get a tenor to be good enough to solo it would be fine. stupid tenors.Anyway, got my music for my violin solo, and now i just need to practice. We had our english presentation today. We woudln't have had to go if all those groups were ready, but no, they weren't, so we had to go. I think i did fine, but whatever.I dont' really care. Its over now and that is all that matters. eww..i don't want to dress up anymore...damn it. But yay, i get to wear becky's skirt. Practice after school was fine, in fact, it was nummy. I overdosed on my albuterol before i went, so i was really hyperactive and couldn't really stand still and i was out of it, but it was ok. I just had a lot of vibrato. Oh well..no biggy. I managed to be folowed home by Ben abnd Micah, going to the church up the street from me, and i just thought that was great. Yay! I don't want to be at home, i want to be out with my VJers, I can't believe it is almost done, and i dont' want it to be. These people mean to much to me for my year to be done with them. Yearbooks tomorrow, i guess i always will have pics. to remember them by. :(:( so sad.

Pretty sure i am sick...not positive though. eww..not a good time at all.

Leave one

[02 May 2005|07:53pm]
[ mood | i feel kinda cooky ]

I got a solo in choir. I am so excited i can't wait to sing it. Its gonna be awesome. Its a group thing, but still really cool.I can't wait. im sure our guest conductor is gonna be extra hard on us, but oh well. Ill take it. Ill be better for it.

I hate the oral essay in english. Its ruining my life. I migh tgo up to ft. collins saturday. But i get to see brett Fridya and maybe meet Tory. hmm...exciting. I don't want to ,b ut i guess i have to go up to Ft. collins. A weekend with my family doesn' t really seem to exciting . Oh well..i'll do it if i must.

I still need a new name suggestion. If i dont' get one i like more i am gonn go with crystal_red_rose. Adrien, i might need help setting it up...i love you?? i'll bribe you.

Leave one

[30 Apr 2005|10:25pm]
[ mood | cranky ]

In less than 24 hours i can eat real food again...that just hit me. So excited!

oh, so i think i am gonna make a new lj. But i need a new name,something more artistic but still like girly-ish. so help me pick one out??Drop suggestions.I am thinking like "crystal_red_rose". I like that one.

9 comments| Leave one

[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]